Arise! Awake! And stop not till the goal is reached – Swami Vivekananda.
Some would believe I have achieved my goal. But I can’t and don’t intend on stopping now.
“I’m glad ’cause it feeds me the fuel that I need for the fire
To burn and it’s burning and I have returned” – Emin3m
Where to start? My thoughts are all absolutely muddled right now. It’s so hard to put into words an experience like this. Something that is potentially life changing. If I had to articulate my emotions, I would have to say that I’m surprisingly quite underwhelmed by it all. People would automatically assume that winning “big money” would naturally send the person into hysterics. On the contrary, I’ve had a surprising sense of innate serenity that came with it. Maybe, and I’m hoping, it’s just the calm before I take the world by storm 😎
Poker’s changed me a lot as a person is what I’m coming to say. There’s those times you tend to become very contemplative and ponder about all things life related and this is that time for me. Looking at how far I’ve come, I’ve certainly undergone a drastic metamorphosis. Whether I’ve overall changed for the better or worse, I’m yet to decide. Poker, over time, tends to make most people who play it regularly a lot more introspective, emotionally numb, detached and distant, frivolous with money, lonely and addicted. These qualities result not as a matter of choice but out of compulsion. A compulsion to be able to survive the swings of this game that we have all come to love. Poker has also made me very lazy. Even the smallest of tasks seem like chores sometimes. It seems like a long, long time ago when I used to love just going outside all the time whether to play sports till I came back home tired to death or whether to just hang with friends and chat about anything and everything till the stars came out in the sky signalling to us that maybe, just maybe it was time to call it a day.
Poker players lead a special life. Often working by night and sleeping by day, our lifestyles mirror that led by owls. I’m not comparing just the sleep cycles but also the fact that we tend to hone very specific skills to an extent which make us eerily predatory just like the owl. The similarities are strikingly similar. A funny paradox though is that while poker is so individualistic and self serving, at the same time, so many prefer to be in “packs.” And one thing that always stands out is how most poker players are always so willing to freely share amongst themselves what they’ve taken ages to learn themselves.
Until a few weeks ago, I often wondered if what I do is worth it. Has it been worth it? What have I achieved so far? Is my life fulfilling in any way? Am I serving any purpose? Are poker players after all just a bunch of isolated, greedy, selfish group of people only driven by money to the point of nothing else? Is materialism all we’re after? I’m still unsure about a lot but I do know that no matter what the facts may be, the truth of the matter is that there are a lot of things a lot worse out there. And with the bad definitely comes the good. I cannot deny the facts glaring at me. I have made a reasonably good living so far by any standards. I have made some great friends along the way and while some of them may go for blood if at the same table, are undoubtedly some of the nicest guys away from it. While always having been analytical and logical, poker has helped me put my talents to good use and constantly give me an opportunity to be ever alert and attentive, always thinking about what my next move should be. Poker’s taught me to strive to always make the “correct” and most optimal decision and not let the result or outcome affect you.
Speaking of goals, I’m a little unsure of what I want to do. People have been asking me what I aim to do and to be honest, I really don’t know. My life hasn’t changed in the least so far except in perception. I do know I want to travel, travel to different places. Places I’ve never visited. Observe beautiful things. I definitely intend on buying a new phone and a better setup for myself, 2 things that have been pending for a long while. A PS 3 has long been on my wish list too but I think I will exercise my patience and wait for the PS 4 to release having waited so long already. I definitely want to use this as a springboard to jump to further success and keep knocking down more milestones. I guess one solid goal for me would be shooting for the WSOP next year. Another one would be wanting to become a better overall player. While my cash game has definitely improved, it hasn’t by the degree I would have liked. This can only happen with me putting in more time into it. While I will continue to focus almost exclusively on MTTs, I definitely want to put in a lot more time into playing cash games as well.
In conclusion, to all the people who might be asking if it’s all worth it, I say yes, it certainly can be. As is often said, it “depends.” It depends on what you are looking for. It depends on perspective. It depends on realism. Poker can definitely be a career but anybody looking to pursue this must look at all the angles and prepare themselves. Just like Newton’s 3rd law says, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The harder you push, the more you will be rewarded with. Success will come to all those willing to work hard enough and stick at their pursuit of their goals. This actually reminds me that poker also teaches you the invaluable quality of patience. Patience is a virtue very highly valued in this field. Make sure you are patient, no matter how tough the going may get. Have faith in yourself and always strive to improve and become better. Remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You just gotta go deep enough and push hard to find it 😉
P.S. Forgot to add in all the rambling that I’ve decided to go to Macau to play the APPT. My 1st time going there. Should be an awesome experience. I will try and blog during the APPT and if not, will do a write up after it. Peace out.